The 5-2 Diet

THE 5-2 DIET (with added archaic pronouns)

If upon two days of each week ye shall fast

It's said that soon will come to pass

That the languishing lipids will at last

Take their leave of thine thighs, and of thine arse.

And thy blood pressure

Will no longer distress yer

And it might well be

That the bulge of thy belly

Could diminish in size

And become much less swelly


But in the meantime, you will probably find

Alterations of mood and of state of mind

And whilst it is most certainly true

That the mysterious magic of 5-2

Is a pain and quite boring

It's one way of ensuring

That there's very much less 

Of you.

Hooray and hoorah

That nice tele doctah

Was right about twice-weekly fasting..!

Now you're trim, thanks to him

It's been hell, but you're thin

But is your new outline long-lasting ? 

And although for a while you might be slim

If thou backslidest, and begin

As thou did'st in the days before you were slim

To start gorging and quaffing and shovelling it in

If you've called time on desisting

Given up on resisting

And that's when thy mirror begins to lie

And thy bathroom scales to read far too high

Thou wilt then find fate, unforgiving, unkind... 

And that lard has re-settled, upon thy behind

The stark truth is that

Your are back to being fat

And as you tuck in

And go back on the gin

And beer and hog's pudding and crackling

As you revisit the pleasure

Of not having to measure

Each morsel that lands on your plate

Just accept your fate

Be at peace with your weight

Just be honest, and say

At the end of the day

If I had avoided the strain of depleting

Instead of this anguish

I could have been eating.

© nigel hallworth 2021