THE 5-2 DIET (with added archaic pronouns)
If upon two days of each week ye shall fast
It's said that soon will come to pass
That the languishing lipids will at last
Take their leave of thine thighs, and of thine arse.
And thy blood pressure
Will no longer distress yer
And it might well be
That the bulge of thy belly
Could diminish in size
And become much less swelly
Eventually
But in the meantime, you will probably find
Alterations of mood and of state of mind
And whilst it is most certainly true
That the mysterious magic of 5-2
Is a pain and quite boring
It's one way of ensuring
That there's very much less
Of you.
Hooray and hoorah
That nice tele doctah
Was right about twice-weekly fasting..!
Now you're trim, thanks to him
It's been hell, but you're thin
But is your new outline long-lasting ?
And although for a while you might be slim
If thou backslidest, and begin
As thou did'st in the days before you were slim
To start gorging and quaffing and shovelling it in
If you've called time on desisting
Given up on resisting
And that's when thy mirror begins to lie
And thy bathroom scales to read far too high
Thou wilt then find fate, unforgiving, unkind...
And that lard has re-settled, upon thy behind
The stark truth is that
Your are back to being fat
And as you tuck in
And go back on the gin
And beer and hog's pudding and crackling
As you revisit the pleasure
Of not having to measure
Each morsel that lands on your plate
Just accept your fate
Be at peace with your weight
Just be honest, and say
At the end of the day
If I had avoided the strain of depleting
Instead of this anguish
I could have been eating.
© nigel hallworth 2021