The beautifully illustrated online NHS ‘Guide to Healthy Ageing’, runs to 18 separate sections spread over two dozen pages of sensible and well-intentioned advice.
This isn’t one of them:
AN ODE TO BREAKFAST
When your joints start to creak
And your bladder to leak
And you’ve been told you’ve got cataracts starting
Your bedsheets are moist
And you'd quite like a hoist
And you’re prone to involuntary farting
Your skin starts to thin
But the rest of you isn...
And you’re always cold
Then you know you’ve got old…
Then it's time to fight back
To go on the attack
You've survived you've arrived
You've done your bit!
Now you don't give a shit
You're not ready to be shown the door
So begin your resurgence
Now’s the best time to start
Time is short, so it’s urgent!
Be brave - take heart!
(But make sure it's your own…)
Don’t delay! Start today!
Start again! Burn your boats!
Start the day in a new way
Dye your hair, wear a toupée
Greet the day, smell the coffee
Don’t be old wet and soppy
Forget the toast and marmalade!
You’re a new you and renewed so don’t be afraid
To laden your plate with eggs and hog’s pudding
Bacon and sausage and lovely fried goodies
Onion rings, mushrooms, tomatoes and beans,
Fried bread and black pud till you burst at the seams..
So that’s - oranges, grapes, hops, onion (rings), tomatoes, beans, - that’s six of your five a day..
And if with your breakfast you’d like some red wine
Or a mid-morning pint, then I think you’ll be fine
You’re on the last stretch, it’s downhill all the way
Meaning time’s speeding up, so enjoy every day!
Just as a loo roll goes round very fast
When you’ve used all the sheets and you’re nearing the last
Sound the last fanfare!
Show the world you don’t care!
Hit the high notes today - and with luck have your oats!
But with yoghurt and milk -
In a bowl…..
© nigel hallworth 2021