Nigel Hallworth

Most parents who have had the experience of feeding small children will be familiar with the 'Five Second Rule'. This poem could be regarded as an extreme example of this.

A LARGE SAUSAGE ROLL

I've just dropped a large sausage roll

I'd eaten some, so it wasn't quite whole

But it was hot and juicy and the pastry was flakey

Now it's flopped on the floor of a pub called The Shakey..

So what do I do? It looks largely intact

That's the bit that was left, less than half, in fact -

The flaky bits are scattered all over the floor

But the rest looks ok - I could eat some more -

But although the floor looks fairly clean

It's best not to rely on pub hygiene.

The floor is mostly old wooden boards

And it's best to be careful if you're not quite sure.

So I ate it.